Princess McDowell “Snowflake”

so they ask me what it’s like to be gay in Texas
a tye-dye dot in the elementary school class picture
the rainbow after the snowfall in early winter
i tell them it’s more like being a snowflake
a solid piece of cloud
floating down to land on your hand and on your tongue
nothing else tastes like snow
when it snows in Texas
it’s not
reeeally snow
more like sleet with identity issues
the water hasn’t firmed enough to say fuck you
to your windshield at 45 mph
the sun keeps melting out its backbone
and the rest just falls
the kindergartners
don’t make construction paper snowflakes
in the winter
in Texas
instead
they follow the symmetry of spaces inside themselves and
call it weird
fold into themselves because
even at a young age they know
you must stay in line with the lines they’ll make you walk
balk
talk to you through their global warming smiles if you’re different
but secretly wanna recreate you
with the college ruled paper they never spoke of
the women
wanna make snow angels in your heart
deep enough to hide their desires and insecurities
you’re not permanent past the water of their emotion
the newness of spring
the heat of summer
the fall of men who wanna smash as many of us as possible
between palm and disintegrate
pack our remnants into weapons to throw at the brick walls of themselves
why the fuck you in my section!?
wearing my clothes
breathing my air
loving my women like the first look of a freshly covered yard
still solid white
i’ve never heard these words
only feel their vibrations when I shop alone
when my handholds PDA set fire to your cold but you
still wanna watch
it doesn’t snow in Texas
what does stick
we can’t wait to sully with our feet and our tracks
through the blankets we lay in our lives
because we forgot what security looks like
the snowflakes are rare
so few have seen them
but they know they wanna feel you on their tongue
surely
you want me on your tongue
that’s how ya’ll do it right?
with your tongues?
Texas heat will melt you to the core
take your rights
and call them values we don’t condone
we’ll let you live peacefully
if you stay in your zone
go to the bars off Cedar Springs
if you wanna feel at home
use non-gendered pronouns
in conversations about love
and remember God still loves you
though you won’t be going above
everything’s bigger in Texas
even the bigots
their words are like snow plows
like sand spread over the highway to save the people
who still drive like the snow
knows something they don’t
like one small slip and they’ll lose control
sexuality is not something you
crash into
though it is kinda like an avalanche
somebody will see it coming
may just not be you
and a snowflake
is just
ice crystals after falling through the Earth’s atmosphere
cooling and melting into unique patterns and shapes
no two alike
kinda like being human
kinda like being yourself
there is no secret to being
you just are
and you love showing the symmetry inside yourself
remember floating through the sky
big and fluffy and
falling into a windshield like a big
fuck you at 45 mph
i can’t tell you what its like to be gay in Texas
it’s just something
you’ll have to experience
for yourself

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